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An email from my mom.......

Discussion in 'Women's Alopecia Areata' started by Miranda, Aug 14, 2006.

  1. Miranda

    Miranda Guest

    I wanted to share an email from my mother today....When she was droping me off for work she told me I need to find my comfort zone, and I told her that was easier said than done.......After lunch she sent me this


    Mandy,

    I wanted to elaborate a little on the comment I made about finding your ‘comfort zone’. In my opinion, this can’t be an option – it needs to be a necessity and I say this for one reason only – your son. Being his mom, you are the person that he idolizes and he loves no other person in the world as much as he loves you and he does it unconditionally. I am not trying to make your hair loss less that what it actually is. I do understand that this is a very traumatic and heart breaking experience for you. What I am trying to say, is that he watches your every move whether it be physical or emotional. Right now he see his mom as ‘not liking herself at all’, ‘being mean to those that love her the most’, and ‘angry at everything and everyone a lot of the time’. He is also seeing that his mom is not ok with being different. Mandy, in regards to my last comment, if God forbid, anything should happen to him to make him ‘different’ or ‘not normal’ the only thing he has to go by is how you act and therefore it’s teaching him that there is something wrong in being different. I know that you do not want you son to grow up with these ideals, but unless you can somehow find your ‘comfort zone’ whether it be by the help of counseling or going to church or whatever, I’m afraid that he will.

    Does anyone else think there hair loss effects there kids? I havent cried about in a while, Controlling your emotions is hard but I am getting there
     
  2. Miranda

    Miranda Guest

    especially hard when your non stop shedding and almost complety bald.....SO I think I am doing pretty good
     
  3. Karen

    Karen Guest

    ((((Miranda))))))

    Can I first say that YES, alopecia absolutely without a doubt sux!

    Secondly, I have two sons, 17 and 7, which I was raising alone when alopecia areata struck me.

    I didn't tell my sons first off what was going on - it was only when it became too hard to comb over that I sat them down and explained to them what it was. My oldest was mortified - my youngest broke down in tears. They thought I had cancer and was very sick. I explained to them as calm as I could what it was, why I thought it happened, what we were going to do as a family to fight it. Miranda, I never cry in front of my sons - I did that night. It was hard not to and there many nights I just could not hold it in any longer. When I finally reconciled myself to buying a wig, I was hysterical. By the time I got home, I had puffy red eyes and my oldest knew I was not ok. Do you know that by the end of the night we were all laughing so hard. They were taking turns trying it on. I know it doesn't sound funny - but sometimes you just have to laugh when things get so out of control.

    It's hard enough to raise kids on your own in the first place and then to have burdens on top of that are even harder. I don't know how old your son is but your mom is right. They watch everything you do. They are like sponges. They retain it - sometimes my sons repeat things I have said that I didn't even think they were paying attention to.

    Did my hair loss affect my children? I had taught my kids at a very young age that people are different. I don't care what they did they were not allowed to make fun of people that were too fat, too skinny, too white, too black you get the picture. So when this happened it went along the same lines. Now their mom was different. Did it make them love me any less - of course not - do I think it was a blessing in disguise - yes I do. In hindsight, I think it brought my family closer because we were going to beat this - for whichever way it turned out.

    Miranda, it's ok to mourn the loss of your hair. Who would have thought that one morning we'd wake up and it not be there? Not me, ever. I took it sooo for granted. You need to talk to someone such as a counsel - you go - you need an outlet - walk, yoga, treadmill - just do it for yourself - you will feel better - your family will too.

    Girl, just one day at a time. I hope and pray that you have a remission. Alopecia has to run its course Miranda. It took 90% of my hair and then as fast it went was as fast as it grew back. My hair was shorter than yours. I think it just took and took and then when there was no more to take it stopped.

    My prayers are with you my friend.
     

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  4. burtcat

    burtcat Guest

    Hi I am 26 and a mom of 2 girls under 5. I have had both Alopecia Universalis and Alopecia Areata and currently have Alopecia Areata. I have about 10% of my hair and am just now growing eyebrows. I have had alopecia now for over 14 years. I have learned to accept this disease, before I even had my kids I had alopecia, so my children know mommy is bald that is all they have ever known! My oldest daughter doesn't even seem to notice whether I wear my wigs or not. I have noticed that if I am crying or upset even if it has nothing to do with my hair loss it affects her. Children can really sense when something is wrong. They see it all, I would recommend talking to your son and explaining that sometimes mommy gets sad. How old is your son? If he is old enough to understand then I would explain to him how you are feeling. Things will get better, I have had this disease long enough to say they will improve. You don't have to feel bad about how you feel, you just have to learn better ways to process those feelings.
    Katie
     
  5. mawmaw

    mawmaw Guest

    Karen....great advise! Miranda...Karen and your mom have spoken wise words ton you. I hope you can be strong for your son. You will gain from it and so will he.

    mawmaw
     
  6. Karen

    Karen Guest

    ((Miranda))

    Can I just add something else? You are so lucky to have a mom like this! I can see from her email to you that she is honest and forthright, kind and considerate. She wasn't criticizing in tone - but concerned for you and your son. You may not see this right now - in hindsight you will - be blessed Miranda for your mom truly cares.
     
  7. Miranda

    Miranda Guest

    Thank you everyone!!! YOu girls are always good to talk to, and share experinces.

    I am 21 and my alopecia stared after giving birth so its all still new to me. My son will be two in septemper, he is still very young.

    My mom is right, but sometimes I cant help but cry.

    Karen you are a very strong women, and sounds like a good mother. How old were your kids when you talked about people being different?

    I am very glad I have you all. Thanks for listening.
     
  8. Karen

    Karen Guest

    (((Miranda)))

    Here I'll share one of my buckets hon. It is totally ok to mourn the loss of your hair. No one has the right to take any emotion you feel away from you. I felt so many emotions during this year and a half from anger, to despair, to just why is this happening to me - all of these - but what I learned is you work through them. Exercise is my best friend. I'm surprised my treadmill is still working cuz it definitely took a beating!

    I had a birth defect when I was born - so I knew what it was like to be different. People stare, they ask questions, kids hurt with their name calling - so when my oldest was at an age where he could understand me is when I taught him and I think I waited until he pointed someone out that was different. And Joshua (my youngest) was taught by his oldest brother and me. They know of all the rules - this is the one that will get them in most trouble cuz ya know I just won't tolerate it. Be kind to others; treat them like you want to be treated - I keep telling them over and over - when they finally get it - you'll be amazed because it instills in them sensitivity.

    I'll listen anytime Miranda.
     

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