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Crying today......

Discussion in 'Women's Alopecia Areata' started by Aikiweezie, Jan 25, 2007.

  1. Aikiweezie

    Aikiweezie Guest

    I just can't take it anymore and don't know what to do. The left side of my head is about half gone and it just keeps coming out.

    My husband doesn't understand and just stares at me blankly when I try to talk about it. No one in my family really understands either.

    I'm a stay at home mom with a three year old and I hate for him to see me this way - I can't stop crying. I am feeling terribly lonely right now.

    No one understands that there is NOTHING I can do to stop this. If one more person give me advice that is rediculous I'm going to loose it. (Maybe you shouldn't color your hair - try rogaine - you just ned to relax...)

    I had a breast cancer scare in October (it wasn't) and a skin cancer scare in November (it was - early squamous cell). That's when this all started. I'm pretty sure it's what started this evil ball rolling.

    My hair is pretty long and I think I need to cut what is left of it to just below my chin or sto my shoulders to make it look fuller. And so there will be less long blonde hair all over the place. It's depressing to see it all over.

    What am I going to do if it all comes out? I can't get a wig quickly, can I? I'm going to have to tell people what's going on with me because it's becoming really obvious.

    I hate myself right now. This isn't fair to me or my family.
  2. hairsick

    hairsick Guest

    I know how you feel. I used to cry everyday when my hairloss started over two years ago. You have to let it out. I waited almost a year to get my hair cut, I was just so embarrassed.

    But after I finally did, I felt better, for a while. :wink:
  3. susannah

    susannah Guest


    You can take some more. Because you must and you owe it to yourself, your husband and your little boy. You are so much more than your hair.

    Next time someone comments ( incidentally, isn't this just the height of most appalling third rate manners ? ) try, Thank you, I appreciate your concern. Can you imagine how I feel, especially when someone notices... I'm handling it. Tell me about...... ( whatever, have something ready that requires your respondent to talk at length about him/herself, to allow you to inwardly boil :evil: then calm down and get over it :roll: :p ) Most of these people simply haven't engaged their brain before opening their mouth for some little silica/kelp/iron/stop stressing panacea to come tumbling out. Perhaps they mean well, and you might end up feeling sorry for them - wanting to help yet being so insensitive...who's got the problem, here? :lol:

    Done that, been there, felt helpless. But you're not...neither was I. HA can help. We all have our different tales to tell, but, somwhere in these empowering stories, you will find your solution.

    Decide. You want a wig in a hurry - ask. there are bound to be women near you, lucky thing, ( I Live in the UK ) who can point you in the right direction for a competent, caring wig seller. But perhaps a haircut might be a first step; call a few dozen hair salons, what will it cost ? Ask to make an appointment for a telephone consultation and then go with your bones...make yourself a list of questions, first, and practise asking them without breaking down ( done that, too )

    In the meanwhile, look here
    http://www.headcovers.com/?gclid=CPPYu7 ... Qgod93r2VQ

    Don't feel helpless. Get a diagnosis. If your family don't understand, try us. You will overcome this. Prepare for the worst. Hope for the best. We are all hoping with you, we can help you prepare if you need.

  4. joanne

    joanne Guest

    i feel so badly for you, we all do, because we have been there and still are. it is very difficult to come to grips with the hair loss. i have had to deal with it since very early teens. what will help you is if you can start to take control over how you look and how you want others to perceive you. yes, you can get a wig as quickly as you want and maybe that's not a bad idea. first, it will let you know there is a cosmetic solution and it helps enormously with your confidence. just try to buy as natural looking a wig as you can. more expensive does not necessarily mean more natural looking. but a style you can be comfortable with and a color very similar to your own and go from there. also, very important to make sure of the size you need. it should fit correctly. hope this helps a little. joanne.
  5. susannah

    susannah Guest

    Hey there just to follow up on Joanne's post, never expect to be able to successfully wear a wig fresh out of the box. It will need cutting in, for which you'll need an experienced and sensitive hairdresser. He/She will perhaps have to be consulted and the hair worked on two or three times, before you're happy. The good hairdresser will take a conservative approach to cutting in - knowing that "your" hair won't grow...go with this process and don't be too radical with a first cut !


    Susannah :)
  6. Aikiweezie

    Aikiweezie Guest

    Thank you.

    Thank you ladies. Your kind words of encouragement mean the world to me right now. Still shedding today. I see my Dr. Monday for more injections. My spots seem to be joining together - from several (8-10)small spots to a few really really big ones. Is that a bad sign? Does anyone know?

    I am currently using derm match but I'm not sure how much longer that will do the trick. I started looking up wigs and hair replacement systems today. I am trying really hard to keep from breaking down again.

    I "came out" to my Sensei last night. I'm his senior student (aikijutsu) and have been training with him for over 7 years. He is wonderful and very understanding so I know I will feel okay in the Dojo when I am training, no matter what happens.

    My husband will be around all weekend so I won't be so lonely and won't dwell on it constantly like I do when I am alone at least.

    Thanks again,. and I'll check back in in a few days.
  7. Aikiweezie

    Aikiweezie Guest

    This sucks

    Well, I am using Olux foam on my spots and in a matter of just a few days I have a lot of peach fuzz. That's the good news. The bad news is that it is still falling out, I have more spots and the ones I have are getting bigger. My long blonde hair looks flat. You can see my ears through it. I colored it a lighter blonde today so my spots look less visible. It helped.

    It's 8 degrees here in Chicago and Windy as hell. My head is cold.

    I had about a 30 minute crying jag this morning, took a Xanax and went about my day.

    I have an appointment at a place that specializes in hair pieces and wigs for women with alopecia or who are on chemo on Thursday. I figure hope for the best, plan for the worst. This place, which is about 2 miles from my house could get me a fall in 2 or 3 days. So far all my hair loss in on the back and sides so a fall will work if I need it, and hey, with this weather, I may need it for warmth.
  8. stephanie867

    stephanie867 Guest

    You certainly can get a wig quickly. There are several great online places to get them from and they can be pretty inexpensive (they can also be very expensive depending on type and mfr). I LOVE my Revlon wigs, the hair is beautiful.

    The poster who said that you generally can't wear them out of the box is correct...most will need thinning because they usually have a LOT of hair. However, if you are getting a basic style, you might be able to do the thinning yourself. There are instructions all over the internet. It's not hard, just time consuming because you have to take it slowly.

    My honest advice to you is, if it's at all possible, find a reputable wig place near you and ask tons of questions. I spent a lot of money on my first wig. But it was worth it to be in the salon, try on different pieces, have the lady show me what products to use, how to wash it, how to dry it, different styles I could do with it, what NOT to do with it, etc etc. After I got my first one, I turned to the internet. Yes, I've had a few bad purchases, but I try to buy them all from the wig stores clearance section so that I don't wind up wasting $$. What doesn't work, I re-sell on ebay.

    Good luck to you. I think many ladies here will tell you how much better they felt about themselves once they got used to wearing wigs.
  9. strugglingon

    strugglingon Guest

    Don't panic!

    Hey there, I have been through exactly what you're describing, but without the husband (and with three kids). I have spent 30 mins. per day trying to make sure my hair is covering the bald patches, and then the rest of the day worrying about whether the combs and pins have moved. It isn't worth it. Find yourself a natural, flattering looking wig (preferably don't just grab the first one you see, like I did initially!), wear it, look great, feel great (because you're not worrying about bald patches), and know that you are still the same great person you were when you had all your hair. You are also the person your child and husband love.

    If hairloss persists, I would really recommend getting a soft base suction wig - it gives you much more security and freedom.

    Good luck and big hugs,

  10. Aikiweezie

    Aikiweezie Guest


    Thanka, Alix & Stephanie. You're both so sweet!

    I would guess that I still have about 65-70% of my hair as of today. My appointment at "Naturally Yours" is on Thursday. Like I said, they specilaize in hair pieces for women like us, and have consultants and stylists there who can cut it, style it, etc. And they can get me a piece in 2 - 3 days.

    Mercifully, I don't think I'm there yet. Even though I'm still shedding no on can tell yet, and I'm praying that I won't need to go the wig route. I want to be ready, though if I need to.

    I still have all the hair on the top and front of my head, and what there is is about 8 inches long. I still haven't cut it. If I do need something I plan on getting a fall.
  11. New Girl

    New Girl Guest

    Hang in there I promise it will get better to be able to handle this horrible situation.

    When I first started to loss my hair back a little over a year ago, I was just like you, but I finally got to a point where I said I really cant do anything to change it so deal with it. That worked for me at least. I work full time and have 4 kids under 11 so I had to move on as fast as I could or I would have been in big trouble.

    I am so glad the foam is working for you, only the shots worked for me.
    I know it seems like when you get some re-growth, whats the point since you are losing more too. But it does eventually catch up.
    Unfortunetely the shots do not stop the hair from falling out, just helps it come back and that is the part that really sucks.

    I have a friend who had great success at a salon for a wig that is associated with Amy's Presence. She is a ex-soap opera star that has Alopecia Areata and started her own wig company. No one can even tell its a wig.
    It was on the pricy side, around $1500 I believe, but if you can afford it, they are worth it.

    Here is the link to the Amy's Presence Website, from there you can find a salon near you that carries them. I think she got her's in about a week.


    Hang in there!!!
  12. ruthie

    ruthie Guest


    Aikiweezie, i just read your post i feel for you ,i can relate to so much what you said .....I'm a mess today the top of my had is now thinning and back ,nape head underneath all my hair is gone and right side is shortening up ,i can't take it anymore ....theirs not one day i don't feel FEAR worrying how lon i will keep the hair have left ,I try not to obsess but i fail everytime i sit cry alone ,i'm SCARED and some people i know make light of hairloss ,I don't want to leave my Apt ,my boyfriend tells me don't worry just get a wig ,at times i think well i'll get used to one if i get it,than i turn around and i'm negative about it again it's like a viciuos cycle ,since i have this alopecia 2004 ,i feel abandoned ,Alone bitter angry sad paranoid no trust insecure ,i miss shopping on saturday's when i go in the mall i see everyone with normal or thick hair ,i just want to come back home ,i long to be the person i was before this do you ever feel this way ? so i sit home and cry today i feel 'STUCK ' i hope you are feeling better i wish i had a positive for you ,i was really touched by your post ,it brought me to tears i had a problem getting a post through i think t's working now take care many Hug's :} Ruthie
  13. I've been obssesively reading these posts and I feel pain for everyone that is going through this. I've been sending my prayers and love to all of you while at the same time, I too am panic stricken.
    What I find hurts me the most is my jealousy of others.
    I put so much importance on the way my hair looks, and losing it while everyone else is keeping theirs, well....
    You have to be strong, OK?
    Something finally clicked inside me today. I have no more fear over this. Its not worth it. Hair is just an accesory.
    Stay a strong brilliant woman - make the most out of this experience
  14. Aikiweezie

    Aikiweezie Guest

    Thanks again

    Things are better for me lately. Thank you for caring and understanding.

    The Olux foam has given me a lot of peach fuzz, but so far it hasn'y started to grow much or turn dark. Only the places where I got the injections are doing that. Unless the Olux Foam starts to produce real hair soon, Im not sure I'll stick with it. I HATE the fact that I have to find every freakin' bald spot on my head (we're at about 10 right now - big and small) twice a day. Those are the worst times for me, morning and evening when I have to face what's going on. I get more injections a week from tomorrow. I am actually looking forward to it.

    My husband has been better - much better. He promised to be there for me no matter what and he's been good. I'm trying not to make him crazy every day. He's been through a couple of really bad days with me lately. Several times I thought it was going to let up (the shedding) only to have a couple of bad days where I lost a LOT of hair.

    There is a place right by my house called "Naturally Yours" and they are a "salon" for people with hairloss due to chemo or alopecia and I got some clip in extensions that are working for me right now (my spots are, thank God, almost all on the back and sides of my head - one small one is in my bangs). They're okay - a decent sdolution for me right now. I am using DermMatch on the spots near the top of my head and clip the extensions in my hair to make it look fuller. My hair looks really flat without them

    I wore my extensions to a party on Saturday and I got several compliments on my hair. "Your hair looks so good long." If they only knew, right? My real hair never ever looked that full.

    The extensions are doing the job right now, but sometimes they hurt on the side of my head that is really sparse. There's not much of my own hair to clip them into. I only wear them when we go out.

    Thanks again, girls. This disease stinks, no doubt aout it. But it helps to come here for support.

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