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Dating and relationships with Androgenetic Alopecia

Discussion in 'Living with Androgenetic Alopecia' started by Heathermd, Sep 30, 2016.

  1. Heathermd

    Heathermd New Member

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    One of the harder parts of dealing with this for me has been wondering if a man will ever want to date me with the hair loss. Not that that is all I care about, but I still want to get married and have a family. I never considered having hair loss before that (who does?).

    Are there women out there who are in relationships or married to men who are supportive of this? It would be really great to hear from some.

    Thanks! And hugs to each and every one of you.
     
  2. ElPatoEllington

    ElPatoEllington Established Member

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    I feel this so much.

    I started dating my (now) husband right around the time I started losing hair. That was two and a half years ago and if anyone has made a big deal about it, it's me. I used to spend A LOT of time worrying about being attractive enough for him or somehow disappointing him when things get really noticeable. I didn't want to share my concerns with him because I was embarrassed and I didn't want to call attention to it, but I could only maintain that for so long because it was consuming me. I remember how sick with anxiety I felt when I finally told him and the relief I felt afterward when he told me he didn't care. Fast forward two years and he's listened to me cry about my hair way more times than I'd like to remember (as recently as last Saturday...lame) and just tells me that even if I lose every strand on my head he'll still love me. Then he'll joke about picking out some really sexy and ridiculous wigs.

    Anyway, long story short, guys don't seem to care (or really even notice) as much as we do or as much as we think they will. If you find a nice guy, I really don't think it'll be an issue for him. And if any guy does make you feel bad about it, kick him to the curb ASAP. You're already going to be hard enough on yourself and you don't need any added negativity.

    Hugs from across the Internet!!
     
    Groot likes this.
  3. mellie

    mellie Established Member

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    Hi ladies, I can so relate to this. My hair loss started just a few months after I broke up with my long term boyfriend. I'm on dating sites but it's so hard for me to even want to put myself out there. I get tons of compliments on my pictures (pre hair loss) so when I go on dates I worry that the guy will notice that there is a big difference with my hair or that I'm not as attractive. It really sucks. I lost all my self confidence. I also wonder what guy in their right mind is going to want to be with a woman who is losing her hair.

    Elpato - it's good to hear that your guy didn't care one bit about your hair loss. There is hope for us! How old are you if you don't mind me asking?
     
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  4. ElPatoEllington

    ElPatoEllington Established Member

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    Hi Mellie. There's definitely hope! I'm 28 so this all started happening just after I turned 26. I'm not the only person either... I have a coworker in her early 30's with pretty advanced Androgenetic Alopecia who is just recently married to a great guy and another friend with thinning hair that just got engaged.

    Just a thought but maybe you should update the photos on your profile to reflect your current hair? I'm just saying this because that way you could weed out any a$$holes before you progress all the way to meeting for a date and you won't be so nervous :)
     
  5. mycurlyhair

    mycurlyhair Experienced Member

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    Similar story to Elpato- Meet my BF 1 month before my scalp/hair issues started. Its been 4.5 (not married ;) ) and he has been so supportive and does not care about my hair and also jokes about wigs. He said if that time comes he will go wig shopping with me. There are truely nice guys out there! Trust me. I use to date losers, I am holding on to this one!
     
  6. Fros

    Fros Member

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    I actually think this is one of my biggest issues regarding my hair loss. I wouldn't call my self pretty or cute and I have some minor scars in my cheeks from spots but my hair was my ONE good attribute you know ? I used to always get compliments from people about it and even 2 of my exes were obsessed with my hair.

    Now that hat I am going to lose that as well I keep stressing out that that's it for me nobody will want my anymore.

    I get get self conscious about guys standing over me while I am sitting down or standing undendirect light (or even being out in the sunlight) because if what people (and mostly guys) will say.

    Sometimes though I find myself thinking "so what ???? Ok I have a bald spot and people can see it.... so what?"

    I think if we go around feeling confident about the way we look people/guys wind even care and those who do care are obviously not people we would want to be with. (But somedays is really hard feeling confident because of this ...)
     
  7. ksmon48

    ksmon48 New Member

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    Men

    I have been married to my husband for 30 years so he's seen me go from having pretty hair, (it's always been thin and fine but also soft and shiny) to almost no hair at all. He is so incredibly supportive and reassures me over and over that he loves me no matter what. I know how lucky I am! There are times he gets upset with me but it's never about my hair loss. It's my anxiety, depression and insecurities that bother him. And who can blame him? I don't even want to be around myself when I'm obsessing and miserable!
    It's funny because when I feel sexy that's exactly how he sees me. I truly believe men are attracted to confidence and a smile more than anything else.
    You've all heard the saying "happy wife, happy life". It's so true! So wouldn't "miserable wife (or girlfriend), miserable life" also be true?
    There are good men out there but you won't find them if you don't put yourself out there. My advice would be to be honest about your hair loss early on but don't act apologetic or ashamed because you didn't choose this. Then concentrate on showing him the things you love about yourself.
    Good luck!
     
  8. Lea

    Lea Member

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    I want to reiterate what other posters have already mentioned. I have been with my significant other (now husband) for over 10 years, hair loss started two years ago. When it all started, in addition to dealing with all of my own emotions, I was also worried that he would be embarrassed of being seen with me. I was only 28 when I first realized I was losing my hair. However, after two years of going through this, my husband has been my number one cheerleader, and has loved me in moments that I couldn't love myself. He has supported me to see doctors, to start and stop Rogaine, to start wearing hear, and has reassured me of his love over and over again. I still struggle a lot with hair loss... it affects my confidence at work and in my social life, but for some reason, my relationship and trust in my husband has only gotten deeper through this experience.

    I do truly believe that you can have a happy, loving, healthy relationship, even with hair loss. I wish you the best of luck.
     

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