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Feeling Really Down And Needing Encouragement :(

Discussion in 'Women's General Hair Loss Discussions' started by MeliM, Jun 9, 2019.

  1. MeliM

    MeliM Established Member

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    Hi, I have been really sad and depressed with life lately. To try and make this short I've been loosing hair since 2012 and was diagnosed with Androgenetic Alopecia in 2013. I'm 34 now. My hair was always very very thick. But now unfortunately 7 years later . It's very very thin. I have such low self esteem and honestly don't love myself anymore or for that matter I don't know if I ever have. I had a Husband up until a year ago who I had to leave because he became physically abusive towards me . Then 8 months after that my Dad passed away suddenly. As you can imagine this past year has been full of stress, depression and heart ache. Now I know I need to move forward with my life and try to meet someone new but how can I when I feel so low about myself. I can't even have confidence in my appearance because of my hair . Besides that I have a lot of insecurities about my body as well. I know it sounds bad but at this point I wish I never left my Husband because I feel my life now is much worse off. Anyone have any positive dating stories where they have met their Husbands while suffering with hair loss. No one else understands what it is like to loose their hair except you ladies. Thank you in advanced for any words of advice.
     
  2. TinaM1968

    TinaM1968 Established Member

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    I have no advice for dating, but I wanted to let you know you aren’t alone, I feel the same way about myself. It’s hard, but you definitely are better off out of an abusive relationship. No one deserves. I’ve been feeling low myself lately
    Big hugs
     
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  3. MeliM

    MeliM Established Member

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    Thank you Tina. I try to tell myself that no matter what I look like or if I have hair or not that I don't deserve to be treated the way I was. It's just hard because I feel so alone . I miss the life that I had before all that happened and am so afraid I will never have that again because of how I will look . I want to be with someone I love, and not just settle for someone because they will actually go out with me ):
     
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  4. unefemme

    unefemme Member

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    You WILL find someone you love and who loves YOU! Feeling down is normal. You've been through a lot and are now dealing with the after effects of divorce (you definitely made the right choice to get out of that relationship or the stress from it would worsen your hair loss more quickly), death, and the "death" of your hair. I've been dealing with hair loss for 7 years now and recall vividly the days (about 4 years ago) when crying and feeling so blue were the norm. I am blessed with a husband who said "it's only hair - you'll get a wig, if you ever need one!" Of course, what he didn't - and can't - understand is what hair means to women. I continue to lose lots of hair (showers are the worst!), but I still have hair. No, it's not the really thick healthy hair that I used to have, but it's still hair. I try to remind myself of that each time I feel a bit down. Try to affirm your self worth - b/c you are worthy of a good life and try to either pray or meditate or do yoga. I believe in God, so go there for my first stop, but I also meditate and do casual yoga. Eat healthy foods, try to get enough sleep (easier said than done), and get out "there" to find social groups - book clubs, dance clubs (learn the tango), Tai Chi clubs, volunteer clubs... anything to help you meet new people and, likely, new men! Prayers being sent to you via cyberspace that you'll soon have much better days.
     
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  5. sleepywaif

    sleepywaif Member

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    You're so much better off on your own, also the abusive relationship would make your hair loss worse. I'm 35. I have a guy who's interested in me I guess and he's very supportive, he even offered to help pay for me to go to a clinic. But that's partially because he's losing hair himself. You could think of your hair loss as a way to filter out assholes

    There's a woman with a great IG...kimdubs. she's made me feel better. And hair loss boss.

     
  6. Joelle

    Joelle New Member

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    Hi MeliM

    I know how you're feeling, I'm feeling the same way. I got divorced a year ago and that's when my hairloss started. I lived in a beautiful house with a big garden, nice safe neighborhood. Now I'm living in a 15 high small appartment in a very unsafe neighborhood with my little kids. Feeling very depressed about my hairloss but we have to go on. I haven't had the time to think about dating because I have my kids all the time. Their dad was mentally abusing me, I wanted to leave him so many times but was afraid of ending up a single mom. He left me for a co worker with a couple of kids and she got pregnant right away. They have a baby now and he doesn't care about our kids anymore. Is to busy to see them he says..
    I bought a beautiful human hair wig that looks like my own hair but haven't worn it yet.

    Just like Sleepywaif says, take a look at Kim Dubs and Hairlossboss on Instagram. There's this elderly lady, "atypical 60" and she's fabulous with her wigs and clothes etc! Also the Youtube videos from Fabricating Fringe, Patti's Pearls and Taz's Wig Closet! I'm watching them to finally get the courage to wear my wig. These girls are very positive and have embraced the world of alternative hair!
    Hugs,
    Joelle
     
  7. AliceInWonderland

    AliceInWonderland New Member

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    Hi I’m 33. My hair loss started when I was 17. It’s pretty bad and there’s no way to hide it.. I used to avoid meeting people, going out in rains, gyms etc.. I was so scared that ppl would see my hair loss.. I’m still scared.. I feel depressed so many times.. sometimes I wish I could have some grave illness so that ppl sympathise with me rather than this which I have to hide.

    I met my husband 4 years back and I’ve been married for 2 years now.. when I met him, I was pretty upfront about my hair loss.. he refused to believe that it was so bad.. so I actually showed him how bad it was..

    It never bothered him.. he is always so supportive.. we even joke about it..

    I guess what Im trying to say is that the right guy will not be affected by it.. and if a person is so shallow that he can’t deal with it, then he’s not worth being in our life..

    We should try (easier said than done) to be kind and cheerful.. let’s not make this our handicap
     
  8. MeliM

    MeliM Established Member

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    Thank you for your kind words. When my hair was first falling out my Ex Husband would tell me that he would be with me no matter what and my hair isn't what made him love me. I miss that man so much
     
  9. MeliM

    MeliM Established Member

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    Thank you for the video link . I will definitely look her up!
     
  10. MeliM

    MeliM Established Member

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    Thank you Joelle . We are in the same boat. When I left he stayed in our beautiful home that I loved. I've had to stay with a family member. He mentally abused me from the day I left and really still if I give him a chance to. I just pictured my life so differently at 34 . It's hard enough being newly single in your 30's but add on loosing your hair and not being able to feel confident about yourself. I wish you the best and I'm so sorry for what your Ex Husband did to you. -Melinda
     
  11. MeliM

    MeliM Established Member

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    Your situation gives me hope! I also thought about being straight up too. And my counselor said why would I tell a guy that . I just don't want to get left later in the relationship because of it if that makes sense.
     
  12. anxiety43

    anxiety43 Member

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    I have no advice but can only offer hugs and deep understanding of the trauma and confusion that is included with hair loss. Your mind and body have been through the ringer, it hurts so much when our pain reflects on the outside! You’re beautiful and a good decent man will never think twice about your hair, bio or otherwise.
     
  13. Sophie Nigam

    Sophie Nigam New Member

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    I have no advice for dating, but you are not the only person who live alone. Please, don't take too much stress because stress is not good for hair or health and love yourself. If you love yourself you will feel good, think positive. If you feel low then start activities like: take counselor advise, yoga, exercise, morning walk, do shopping, visit new places, gardening, make new things in food, watch TV, playing games, going for outing, communicate with your families, friends and share everything. If you implement these things in your life, your life become awesome and you will see the changes. And please don't take stress.
     
    #13 Sophie Nigam, Jun 17, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2019
  14. MeliM

    MeliM Established Member

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    Thank you . I try to remind "me" to also be kind to myself . That I've been through a lot besides the hair loss
     
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  15. MeliM

    MeliM Established Member

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    Thank you so much. I'm reeeeeally trying to work on the whole "love yourself" thing, but I find it so hard to do when I feel so low. I've been seeing a counselor, when the weather was nice I tried to be outside walking the dogs etc . , being around family and friends. But I'm still in this rut. It's hard .
     
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  16. sleepywaif

    sleepywaif Member

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    Great advice. helped me a few months ago, playing video games, walking my dog and recently gardening... Like free therapy.
     
  17. Sophie Nigam

    Sophie Nigam New Member

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    I know it’s really very hard to overcome from this situation. But you have to try these things in your life.
     
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  18. Sophie Nigam

    Sophie Nigam New Member

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    Thank you so much.
     
  19. TinaM1968

    TinaM1968 Established Member

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    Feeling down myself tonight. 5 years since the obsession of hair loss. I’ve gotten better with not obsessing but I don’t have any improvement and man have I tried it all. It’s even harder that I don’t have a diagnosis regardless of the countless drs deems etc I’ve seen. Hairloss sucks at any age. Those bangs that never grown just make things worse. I’m so tired of worrying, the stress of hairloss brought on teeth clenching and grinding, at 55 I’ve never had teeth issues now a new obsession, worries about tooth loss due to grinding. My life just never seems like I’ll have a normal existence again..I’m trying to stay happy and positive and most days I do ok but today is just a pity day I guess. Hugs to all my fellow hairloss suffers today.
     
  20. MeliM

    MeliM Established Member

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    I'm sorry you are feeling down. This is a never ending battle that we go through that no one else can understand unless they are experiencing it. Hugs to you and hope you have some happiness soon!
     

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