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Just trying to cope

Discussion in 'Living with Androgenetic Alopecia' started by Arisemysoul, Jan 11, 2012.

  1. Arisemysoul

    Arisemysoul Established Member

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    I hate the ups and downs of hair loss. I see regrowth, but then I see little flimsy hairs falling out that I think are miniaturized. My shed is down but my part, especially right at the front, looks worse than ever.

    I am tired of waiting to see which way my hair is going to go. Do I go ahead and get a topper now before it gets so bad people notice? What if a topper pulls out my bio hair or I just can't make it work?

    I am not officially diagnosed, but strongly suspect Androgenetic Alopecia. Do I go to a well know hair loss derm. that is 30 minutes away? If I do I don't want to try Rogaine and Spironolactone. I don't think Rogaine is bad, I just always seem to have reactions and side effects to many meds. Same for Spironolactone.

    Do I set myself up to accept that this could very well be Androgenetic Alopecia? Which means it will never be better. How can I just sit back and wait for this hair loss to take it's sweet time making up it mind whether it is going to fall out slow or fast, a lot or a little?

    I hate not being in control of something like this and I hate the unknown. If it is going to be bad at least I can face it head on and accept it. But this not knowing when, where or how much is getting next to me.

    Sorry to be such a downer today. Maybe it is the all the rain we are having down south here in the States.

    If anyone has any encouragement or words of wisdom I would LOVE to hear them today. :(
     
  2. Greene

    Greene Guest

    Arise, I do think even if you don't wear the topper for months or years, just having one is a reassurance in itself. Waking up every day, not knowing what your hair is going to do or look like, it's unbelievably stressful--and that's merely on top of all the other concerns you already have. I think the topper will make days like this easier to deal with. No amount of beautiful supplemental hair will cure the sadness completely, but being able to tangibly see your 'backup plan' makes facing even the worst case scenario--whatever it may be--a little less terrifying.

    On a totally unrelated note, sometimes it's nice to just give yourself a day to feel crummy. No one's happy 100% of the time, and if you fight the negative feelings too much, they'll just build up and burst out at the worst time. I say if you feel bad about your hair, ride the wave, eat some Ben & Jerry's, put on a Snuggie, wrap your hair in a scarf or pigtails to forget it even exists, and watch terrible romantic comedies until it subsides.
     
  3. Vlal

    Vlal Guest

    I decided not to actively pursue a hair loss diagnosis, in part because I knew that even if I had a concrete diagnosis, I would not want to try the treatment options available to me should it be Androgenetic Alopecia. I know that may sound weird, but for a variety of reasons I just didn't want to - had enough of doctors being one of them! When I later (years later - 9 or 10) was forced into highlighting/confronting my hair loss situation because I was having a lot of medical consultations and tests for other health problems, I did not get the concrete hair loss diagnosis - so in a way I don't think I lost out on anything by not doing so earlier. Ultimately you need to decide whether having a diagnosis is the thing which will give you peace - if you do know what it is, would you feel better about it? Would it help you in some way? At the same time, there are members who have pursued a diagnosis and not been able to get that definitive answer - even having had a biopsy - so I think it is also worthwhile considering how you would feel in that situation too.

    I agree with the others who have said to spend some time researching how to make the best of your current hair and hair style and to look at the supplemental hair options available to you should your situation worsen/change down the line. It is always better to do these things at leisure than when you are forced into a corner. Making decisions when you are panicking often seems to lead to bad decisions and regrets. I know I have made mistakes through panicky purchases. My better hair cuts and purchases have been well thought ones. The act of researching and being pro-active about your appearance is a form of control of your "self" and I think this helps a lot.

    One thing I do think hair loss does to us, is sometimes it makes us confront the way we deal with situations in life and the way we view ourselves... for me it has become yet another life lesson. Can I be okay about the lack of control and the not knowing? Am I now developing skills in managing my emotions and my thoughts that I would perhaps not have developed had I not had to deal with this situation? Yes, I think so.
     
  4. Arisemysoul

    Arisemysoul Established Member

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    Thank you ladies! I'm feeling a little better this morning.

    Annemarie, thanks for the suggestions. I recently switched hair stylist to a lady I felt was a little more knowledgeable and sympathetic to my hair loss.

    Greene, I think you are right about the topper. I want to save up and find a nice one. Maybe not top of the line but at least one that will look good and hopefully last a while. I love watching old movies and that is one of my treats when I need to get my mind off everything.

    Vlal, I know what you mean about pursuing a diagnosis. Because I probably wouldn't trying certain medications for Androgenetic Alopecia hair loss, I don't see a reason to purse the diagnosis. But there is always that little itty bitty glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, it is not Androgenetic Alopecia and it can be fixed. I love your advice about don't wait and have to rush to a decision about wearing hair and possibly make a poor choice. I had not thought about that. As for life lessons my prayer is that dealing with this hair loss in my life will actually make me a better person, not a bitter one :)
     
  5. Vlal

    Vlal Guest

    Regarding bitterness -

    It is a choice to be bitter, just like it's a choice to try to find positivity in what is a negative situation. So I believe that people can actually choose to not become something, just like they can choose to become something - we do have that power and control.

    So if I feel a bit bitter, I might consider:

    Even if I were to allow myself to become bitter, what would that actually achieve... would I feel any better? Would it help my hair come back? No! It's another of those wasted emotions, just like worrying and stressing. None of those emotions change anything about our situation and they also don't bring anything better to the table. They make us feel drained and bad about ourselves, because let's be honest... no one wants to or enjoys feeling bitter!

    While choosing to be a better person may not actually change your own hair loss situation, you may inadvertently help someone else who is struggling with their own hair loss problem or through your experience of dealing with this find that you are able to help someone going through some other life event/challenge. There are many instances where I know alopecians who have been able to use their experiences to make a difference in other people's lives. It doesn't take away our own hurt and pain, but it can be a good way of making something positive out of a negative.
     
  6. RatsNest

    RatsNest Guest

    As always Vlal, great advice and wisdom!
    Arise, I would suggest you get the topper now. It may give you peace of mind.
     
  7. Arisemysoul

    Arisemysoul Established Member

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    Thanks again Vlal and everyone.

    Talked a long time tonight with my DH. I am going to go ahead and make an appointment with a hair loss specialist who was actually recommended to me by someone on here who lives in the same state I do. I am going to at least talk with her about my options cosmetically. I will let you all know how it goes.
     
  8. Vlal

    Vlal Guest

    Good luck! :woot:
     
  9. Zany

    Zany Guest

    Arise, I've been having very similar feelings as you lately. Seems like my life is on hold while I wait to see which way my hair goes. Personally for me, I if I would have a diagnosis it would be the "closure" I so desperately seek. Kind of like when you're reading a book or watching a movie, even though sometime the ending is sad at least you have an ending. With my lack of diagnosis, it seems the only way I'll be able to move on, is to just decide for myself that I'm not willing to wait anymore, and just get on with my life, and in order to do that I guess I need to give up on my bio hair. If i just sit around waiting with the "what ifs" and "maybe it will grow back" this could go on indefinately! I've wasted too much time already waiting to see how this will go, and the thought of wasting more time waiting, is just not acceptable to me.
     

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