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Maybe there are still good ones out there...

Discussion in 'Women's General Hair Loss Discussions' started by Kenzie22, Feb 6, 2010.

  1. Kenzie22

    Kenzie22 Guest

    Not sure if this is where I ought to post this story, but I wanted to share...

    I had lunch today with a good guy friend of mine who I suspect has had feelings for me for quite some time, ever since we met over here in the UK a few years ago. I am in no way interested in a relationship now, and I have always seen him as just a close friend. But at lunch he said something that made me feel hopeful about men in general.

    I was telling him that I think my insecurities have caused me to let men walk all over me in past relationships. He asked what I felt insecure about, and I thought what the heck, and I told him my hair had gotten very thin, and might get worse, and I think about how crappy it looks constantly. He said that my hair looked fine to him and that I shouldnt let something like hair make me insecure, which was the response I expected. But then he said "and so what if it does get thinner? cant you just buy some cool wigs and rock those? I can't imagine that any decent guy who pass up dating a great girl because she wore a wig." it really was no big deal to him.

    Now, I am not about to start dating this guy or anything, but it made my day to hear his response. Maybe there are still some good single guys out there, who will love us and couldnt care less about how our hair looks.
     
  2. janee807

    janee807 Guest

    My husband was my best friend first, I had no intention of marrying him. Hmmmm. Sounds like your man friend has his priorities set just about right. What a great sounding guy.
     
  3. GINAA

    GINAA Guest

    yeah cuz they cant imagine a girl being bald.
    my bf is the same.I told him and he was like you look fine you had a lot of hair btw.you wont be bald.I never seen anyone bald.
    he doesnt understand of course I wont go bald.but it is geiitn worse to the point that you cant even style it.
    I asked him about wearing a wig and he said he is not comfortable with the idea and he thinks I'm too beautiful for that.huh ...right
    so how could he accept it later.no way
    I'm sorry,I dont wanna be pessimistic but yeah thats how guys are.
    but if your thining is not that bad right now.go for it.have fun girl.you never know what will happen in future.act before its too late.
     
  4. palooz

    palooz Member

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    Hi ladies, this is the first time I've posted on here. I have had thinning hair probably for the last 10 years, but noticeably I'd say the last 6 months. I thought it was stress but looking back at pictures, my hair has been thinning out little by little and I guess and I never really noticed until now. Anyways I just wanted to say there are good guys out there who do see more than just hair. My husband tells me all the time that it's just hair and that we should be thankful that we have our health and our beautiful children and if I lose more hair we'll deal with it together, but it really is a something small compared to the big picture. He truly is a good husband and has made me feel secure no matter what I look like.
     
  5. janee807

    janee807 Guest

    I agree with palooz. There are great guys out there who actually are all wondering where the great girls are so keep looking. My husband actually wants me to stay with my thin, balding head rather than get a wig as he never, EVER seems to notice anything negative about me. I told him I would eventually need a beanie to keep my head warm at night and he immediately offered to buy one for me. . .one with a propeller on top! Hair is just hair and thank goodness we do have solutions or options. No one is perfect, no guy, no gal.
     
  6. CarliGali

    CarliGali Guest

    I agree that hair is just hair and compared to the big picture we are lucky that we dont have cancer or some other major illness, BUT Its killing my self esteem ...I am OKAY now, I really can get away with not having my hair loss noticed, and as of now my husband keeps saying my hair is fine, he sees nothing wrong ...BUT I KNOW its thinning A LOT and soon he will notice too and then what? One of the things that he was always attracted to was MY BEAUTIL DARK BROWN HAIR ...and soon I will need a topper/wig to hide my scalp ...As much as he loves me ...not sure if this would not affect somehow our relationshop ...when I really show scalp ..I am very insecure that way ...and like Ginna said...he thinks worse case scenario he can buy hair...you can have a transplant, he says. I did not have the heart to seat with him and EXPLAIN is not so easy ...and I fear the moment he fully understands it will only get worse ....he may be turned off a little.

    Sorry to be so negative. I DO THINK THERE ARE GREAT GUYS OUT THERE ...MY HUSBAND IS A GREAT GUY ...BUT HE CAN STILL BE TURNED OFF BY A BALD WIFE. WHY NOT? SORRY...BUT IS HUMAN NATURE. ...I also think man dont fully understand hair loss in women, and the younger we are the harder it is ...I am 36 ...I dont mean to hurt anyone's feeling, but it is somewhat acceptable...(even though still devastating for the woman going through it) that women after their menopause start thinning and have thinner hair...My mom is...she is not happy but she knows she is not alone and many women her age go through it and so does her husband ...Its not a shocking surprise but for someone in their 20s and 30s to go through it ...its harder for guys to understand it...we sure cant.

    Sorry I am down today ...very down...Hope I did not offend anyone.
    Carli
     
  7. dragonfly

    dragonfly Senior Member

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    I agree that it is probably harder for younger women then it is for those of us who are on the post menopause side of life, even though it most certainly still sucks for us too. My husband is the most supportive person I've ever known. He just wants me to be happy. He spent the weekend building me stands for the heads for my wigs. I'm always a little self-conscious when I take my wig off at night, but he says it makes no difference to him, that I'm beautiful because of who I am, with or without hair. I don't have any balding spots, but my hair is very thin and you can imagine how it looks after being smashed down under a wig all day. I will say that wearing the wig has helped my self confidence immensely. It feels soooo good to go about my day and not have to worry about what my hair looks like, especially at work and in business meetings. So, there are still a few good ones out there, but they can be hard to find, for more reasons than just hair loss ;)
     
  8. beachlover24

    beachlover24 Guest

    Okay...I just want to say this:

    Having no hair may be a turn off to guys, but i dont think it will end someones love for you. I mean think about, has ur man never seen u sick, hungover, etc? I mean I am pretty sure my boyfriend has seen me look WAY worse than I could look with no hair. If my boyfriend can still love me after my hair looks like an afro, while I am sitting in front of a toliet hungover, I am pretty sure he can still be attracted to me if I am wearing a wig or have no hair. ( Believe me hung over face/ puff ball hair is not pretty) Sometimes I think we dont give men enough credit. Yes, there has to be attaction, but that isnt the reason u stay with someone for years and years. My boyfriend's hair has gotten MUCH thinner since we first started dating (he is only 23) and I still love him and am attracted to him. I know it is different for guys, but he is self-conscious about it. He is really young to have his extent of hair loss. Guys have to deal with hair loss too, I feel like they are a lot more understanding about this subject than we would think.
     
  9. CarliGali

    CarliGali Guest

    Drangofly - your husband sounds like a wonderful man. Maybe I am not being that fair with my husband, too soon to judge. He is a wonderful man and most likely will deal with it better than me when the time comes, I am jusy so sensitive today. I am depressed and feel like crying ...just a hard day I guess.
     
  10. beachlover24

    beachlover24 Guest

    Im sorry Carli :( But its okay to cry about it sometimes, keeping it all in will only make it worse.
     
  11. CarliGali

    CarliGali Guest

    beachlover, I am sure he will love me still ...but I want me to love me and desire me the same way ...i guess this has to do lots more with my insecurities than with my husband. I am just down today ...I mean we are married for almost 11 years and have 2 kids...so it almost offensive to think this way.
     
  12. dragonfly

    dragonfly Senior Member

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    Carli - I'm sorry you are having such a hard day. I know when I have mine, and believe me I don, everything looks pretty bleak. I hope you feel better very soon.

    Dragonfly
     
  13. Kenzie22

    Kenzie22 Guest

    everyone makes a good point that it isnt really our hair loss that might bother men, but how we react to it. i know I became much more insecure when I noticed the thinning, and I cant help but think that loss of confidence, and not my hair, was a turn off to my ex.

    Carli- I totally understand about the bad days. today was one for me. I went out this weekend with friends and had a great time- but i was with a couple who has been together for 5 years, and they look at eachother with such love and affection it makes me sad not to have that. I dont ever think my ex looked at me like that. I was always so worried when we went out together that he was looking at the prettier girls in the room (with better hair, of course)...he probably was, knowing him...but its been many years since a man has given me that look that says "i think you are the most amazing, beautiful person" and you feel like you are the only woman in the whole room when you are with him. Sometimes I think being able to find that sort of love, and more, to sustain it, is so difficult.

    sorry guys, this is just me having a sappy day, wanting to curl up and watch pride and prejudice, and let it be ok that I am a little lonely.
     
  14. palooz

    palooz Member

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    Well I am sorry to hear you are having a bad day. I've had my share of those, especially when I first realized my hair was thinning. I really felt that I was awake in my nightmare and that I would wake up and it would all be just a bad dream. But sorry to say that this is my reality but not to sorry because life is what you make it. I may not have the prettiest hair in the room but you know each one of us has something special to offer. I don't want my last day to be a day I spent looking in the mirror worrying about my hair, because you know you are'nt promised tomorrow. So I get my but out of bed do my hair the best I can, go to the gym (because I want to rock a great bod) just kidding, but I want to be the best me I can be and that includes all of me. Inside and out. So try to focus on your features that make you beautiful. I know tomorrow will be better.
     
  15. janee807

    janee807 Guest

    Carli, I too am sorry you are having such a hard time. One of the things that I have done to improve my mood and outlook is to take control. Taking control always makes me feel better, makes me feel empowered and no longer at the mercy of my "fill in the blank", in this case hair. My husband is very supportive as is my brother; he went bald in his early twenties. I have been very blessed to have him to talk to about this. I also have a hairdresser that has been a great ally, one I never thought to include as much as I now am. My girlfriend has also been wonderful as has my sister. Those five are the only five who know. Some of those few people I have told have told me that my hair is okay, that I should wait, "it isn't so bad", but to me it is. When my hair decides my whole day, my mood, my self-esteem, then enough is truly enough. I am making tough decisions re: my hair because I want the control back and I want to be DONE with this and not think so much about it anymore. Can you ask yourself what would allow you to feel more in control? Could you then do it to move forward or make a game plan as to how you might accomplish that goal? We are here for you!
     
  16. tique706

    tique706 Guest

    This is my first time posting on this forum, and I just wanted to share my husband's attitude about my hair loss. He feels bad that it bothers me but he cant for the life of him figure out why I wouldn't think it was freeing as he puts it to just wear a scarf or a hat during the day and never have to worry about what my hair looks like. He would support me in any way I choose to deal with it but he honestly does not care if I go bald.
     
  17. ToTheLighthouse

    ToTheLighthouse Established Member

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    Hi,

    I just wanted to say that my boyfriend came home from an event today and said there was a girl there with much worse hair than me. He says this because I'm always saying "ooohhh look at her hair, it is worse than mine/better than mine" etc etc. I don't know how he puts up with it...but anyway. I said "was she attractive?" and he said "yes she was an attractive girl, younger than you but with worse hair and definitely still very attractive". So there you have it. It is a bit embarrassing to share this because it makes me seem like such an idiot, but I hope it helps.
    I don't think men care as much about hair as we do ourselves. Just think, when you find someone attractive, you don't focus on the flaws they have, you just ignore them and focus on the good.
     

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