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My alopecia is affecting my life and holding me back.

Discussion in 'Teens and Twenties Alopecians' started by Beyond depressed, Dec 4, 2011.

  1. Hi everyone,
    Im new to this website and forums about hair loss.Ive been having problems with hair loss since I was 17..since at that age it seemed unlikely that one day my problem could progress to cataclysmic proportions i clung to hope and my mom's reassurances that it was only a passing phase and that my hair would eventually grow back..however that didnt happen and now im 22,a med student and ive worked very hard to get to my third year of med school,and facing severe hair loss.everyday my hair falls out and i have to use concealers like toppik to look normal.any hopes that i had that my hair would improve are long gone as this year esp my problem got very bad..now im depressed and i often despair and slowly over the years with my progressive hair loss i started to shut myself in and avoid people,my friends and socializing even family dinners etc.it seems wherever i go people my own have vast amounts of hair and they are always getting haircuts and changing styles while im stuck with a hairstyle i hate which i have to keep to cover up my scalp which shows..toppik hair fibers help i suppose but they get everywhere and my scalp always itches alot afterwards and i get alot of dandruff..anyway im rambling..sorry..its just been a hard night because ive been thinking about how my hair loss has snatched away my youth aand my time to have fun and look towards the future because all i do is stay cooped up in my room,depressed beyond belief..i can see no happy future for me..and right now my problem is screwing up my present.im good at med school,in first and second year i was top of my class andgot awarded gold medals for my outstanding achievements,these were the things i held on to,that kept me going but this year has been so hard,its been an emotional rollercoaster,ive cried nearly everyday,have been to countless doctors,have reviewed all my options and every visit has made me even more depressed so now ive got my exams in a few days and i can barely concentrate,it looks like i might actually fail this year..and ofcourse no one will understand why since everyone expects me to do good this year as well but im severely depressed about losing my hair and right now the rest of my life seems like its going to be full of endless misery..who will want to marry a girl without any hair?who will understand that i desperately want to look good like i used to?how can i feel happy when i have a problem no one around me seems to face?i just wanted some advice,some assurance,maybe even someone to tell me that im being an idiot for letting it ruin the rest of my life like this :(
     
  2. Zoe

    Zoe Guest

    You got it! You're being an idiot for letting this ruin your life! ;)
    Seriously though, you're not an idiot. Obviously not an idiot. I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. I lost my hair for the first time when I was 17 too, I know exactly what you mean about it seeming like *everyone* else has awesome, beautiful "normal" hair. It sucks, but believe me, you can have a normal life. And you can look really good doing it.

    Just right off the bat, as far as your school stuff goes, you're having a legitimate health issue and you might want to bring this up with the proper people at your university (there should be some kind of support department, whether a "Students with Disabilities" resource or a counsellor who can point you in the right direction.) I've used services like this in the past (I have serious health problems that have hindered my academics on occasion) and found that they were able to help me get the right information to the right people so that I didn't just get dismissed as someone who wasn't "keeping up."

    As for how you're feeling about yourself, have you considered wearing wigs? There are *so* many options available. And a lot of them are pretty damn good. I've been wearing a wig for the last two years and my best friend didn't even know until I told her. She was shocked.

    "Who wants to marry someone who doesn't have any hair?"
    Just take a look through this forum and you'll find that there are many, *many* happily married ladies with hair loss! Some completely bald. It's something to adjust to when it comes to dating, but (and I've said this in a few other posts as well) when you find the right guy, he's going to care about you, not your hair. If you wear wigs, bring it up as soon as possible, in a playful way and he'll get used to the idea. I've said it before and I'll say it again, guys are great at fantasy. :)

    Here's a link to a thread that you might find helpful:
    viewtopic.php?f=46&t=20405

    A lot of young girls going through this are experiencing really similar feelings as you and this was a good conversation where there was a lot of support and good positive vibes. I think I also posted a whole mess of stuff about wigs and boys there.

    If you can learn to accept your hair loss, your life will be *immeasurably* better than dwelling on all the difficulties it's causing you. I had some pretty serious depression for months after I found out that my hair was permanently destroyed by a bone marrow transplant. But eventually I accepted it and I moved on. This forum has been a huge help too. (And if you end up trying wigs, the Wig Support forum is awesome too! And Alopecia World! Check them out, these communities are super supportive and wonderful.)

    Sure it sucks to not have hair for lots of reasons. But wearing wigs can be super fun! I personally love being able to change my hair colour and style whenever I want. It's a blast. :)

    I hope you start feeling better and that everything works out with your school stuff. *GIANT HUGS*

    Don't be sad.
     
  3. lonelygirl

    lonelygirl Guest

    I agree with Zoe!

    Your story is SOOOO similar to mine, Im 20 and have just recently graduated as a vet nurse :D

    I totally know what ya mean about the pressure of getting a diploma/degree. It puts a pile of stress on us and cause our hair loss to be agressive and not progress.

    What kind of hair loss do you have? I have Alopecia Areata, and i find it hard to cover my hair too :(.

    Dont hide yourself away, it sounds like it isnt helping the situation at all, if not cuasing it to be bad. Socializing help me feel "normal" and like i was still only 18,19 and now 20. It helps to get out, do what ya love, hang with the people you love. And to just relax and not think about. Possibly try find something to distract you? Maybe your exams are a good thing that have come around, Focus and your studies, get top of the class again and then spend the rest of the time relaxing as much as possible :)

    If you ever wanna rant/vent you can always PM me. I understand your story, your feelings and your frustrations. Hang in there, it will get better.

    Much love, Lonelygirl xx
     
  4. Oh my.ur reply was so nice and sympathetic that it has made me cry.ive been feeling like im at the end of my rope,my hair loss is the root of all my depression and my moodiness and i desperately want a solution for it.it means so much that u took the time to write such a lovely reply to my post,offering me support and hope.thankyou so much.ive been trying to look for options for my condition and recently i went to a place where they said i should opt for a topper,the one thats bonded to ur heaf and needs monthy maintenance but i got so upset when they told me that they would need to shave my hair to bond it that i couldnt stop crying..and my parents accompanied me and they too balked at this idea of shaving a circular patch on top..i had to drag my parents to the hair specialists because most of the time they dont want to admit that i have a serious problem..they keep asking me to eat properly,exercise and try shampoos and they keep saying it'll grow back.ive been hearing this for 5 years now and it hasnt grown back..there were times when it improved but this year has been a steady decline..now im dependent on toppik and i absolutely hate it..i freak out all the time if i forget it when i travel..and lately my hair has started falling out so much that it takes vast amounts of toppik before i can go out and face ppl and even then sometimes people comment on my hair..i really really want a solution..i wanted to know how life with wigs and toppers is and what are their limitations and adverse effects and how to manage them etc..once again thankyou for replying :)
     
  5. thankyou zoe and lonely girl.
    I was told i have alopecia..at first they thought it was androgenetic however all the tests came back normal,testosterone,dhea etc..then they said it was stress related,nurtrional based and alot of other factors..but now its just alopecia,i keep having my tests done and no one has been able to pin it down as to exactly what it is but i have diffuse hair loss..all over my head..top,sides,back..everywhere..some days i convince myself that im going to get my hair back and i just have to start taking more care of myself but its so exhausting to hope and then end up with nothing but bad news day after day everytime u look in the mirror :( my exams this year are gonna suffer,ive been hanging by a thread all year and now in 4 days i have my first exam..i just want to hide and cry..hair and exams..thats two stressful things which are totally draining me :(
     
  6. Zoe

    Zoe Guest

    Check out the wig info that I posted in that thread that I linked. I agree, shaving the top of your head for a topper is just... AHH!!

    I'm personally into the custom full lace wig option right now, you don't have to shave your head (if you have hair you can just use a skin coloured wig cap to cover it so your part looks natural, or if your hair is thin enough just part it where you want to part the wig and you don't even need a cap.) I like the full lace option because you can bond it around your hairline and wear it in a ponytail and do pretty much anything without worrying about it coming off. (I just watched an awesome video yesterday of a lady swimming in hers! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LwZNG4bS34) But if you don't want to bond it you can just wear it like any other wig. Bonding it gives the appearance of a natural hairline though, which is awesome. And they're made specifically for your measurements. (And don't listen to anyone who tells you that you have to get a professional to bond it for you, you can absolutely do it yourself. Some places try to scam you by selling you their "services.")

    They can range in price from $200-thousands, but I would personally never pay more than $500 for one. The price depends on 1) where you get it 2) the type of hair used 3) length. (Lots of info in the wig section of the forum, check it out!)

    I'm trying out a vendor right now and should be getting mine in a few weeks, so I'm going to review them once I get it, but so far I've been really impressed with their prices and customer service.
    I ordered a custom full lace unit, virgin Brazilian hair, 22" long for $500 Canadian, after taxes, shipping, everything. And they were really nice and not at all pressure-y. (I do all of my stuff online because I find that wig stores are super high-pressure and WAY overcharge. All of them. At least every one I've experienced.)

    But there are TONS of good places to get synthetic wigs online. And some of them look surprisingly good. It might be a good option to start out with, just to give wigs a try. You can get pretty decent ones for around $50, so you can experiment with different styles. I'd recommend voguewigs.com, they have a really good selection. Just make sure you check out reviews on a wig before you buy it. There are lots and lots of people on youtube who do reviews so you can see what it looks like on someone's head before you buy it.
     
  7. Zoe

    Zoe Guest

    (And talk to a counsellor at your school about your problem! They might be able to help you out!! :) )
     
  8. thankyou for all that info.I will definitely check those out.
    ive just been freaking out about the idea of a wig.im afraid that people are going to spot it on my head and being a very private person i would hate that :( but i guess its time for me to accept my problem and look for solutions but im having a really hard part with that..the acceptance..getting a wig seems so final..its like finally giving up on hope :(
     
  9. Zoe

    Zoe Guest

    Aw, don't worry. It's not final, it comes on and off. :)

    And if you get a really good one, no one will know. (Plus there are all kinds of tricks to make it look realistic. If you ever have any questions feel free to pm me!) But go at your own pace! If you're not feeling it, don't do it.
     
  10. outofrshell

    outofrshell Guest

    I feel for you..... So much for you to deal with. Making the first step getting a wig is very difficult but now in hindsight for me it is so much easier than trying to hide hairloss. I got my similar style in synthetic and received so many compliments! Who is your hairdresser etc. Only a few family members and one friend knows. It appears I got color and highlights! I use Paula Young.com wigs. You can order as many as you want and return if you don't like them. That is worth it to me. Great prices also. So many wig places you can't return after you order them. I use a small amount of adhesive in the front and it is very secure and I don't think about it all day.
    Please don't worry about anything being final. You are so young there could be a cure on the horizon. I think all of us are still hopeful.
    Our thoughts are with you.... Please take care of yourself.
     
  11. Emily_Sea

    Emily_Sea Guest

    Hey there! Don't be sad! Because I'm 21, and I'm right there with you! My hair has been thinning...probably since I was 15 or 16. I had a TE then from stress/going vegetarian, and I've treated my body like crap ever since. Of course it's only once I'm seriously balding that I get my act together. :roll:

    Like you, I've felt my dreams crushed by hair loss. I wanted to be in a repertory company or traveling theater company. I figured they wouldn't want me if I was bald. I then realized that, if I had a short wig, I could just put it under theatrical wigs; and if the role required long hair, I could just switch to a long lace wig. It actually kind of makes me a theater asset, that I can change my hair so easily. So that's pretty cool. I realized just how cool it could be once I discovered full lace wigs. Listen to what Zoe here has said. They are AMAZING. Honestly, I used to be so naive as to think, "Wow, Rihanna has really awesome hair." I didn't know! They can be costly, maybe, but a virgin one should probably last a year.

    I know what it's like to be in the mall and see all of the carefree girls with their beautiful, long hair. But, I really do think that what we gain from this is a keener ability to understand how other people could be suffering. That girl could have an eating disorder, or a broken home, or a broken heart. We have to understand that those "perfect" girls are NOT perfect. More importantly, the more perfect they are, the less interesting they are. Perfect is boring. Guys may fixate on girls who are "hot", but if she has a sucky personality...for the most part, people will not like her (Honestly, does anyone say, "Lindsay Lohan seems like a creep, but man her long red hair makes it all better"? No, they don't.). If he has a sucky personality, who the hell wants to date/marry/produce future generations with him besides an idiot girl? People will love you for your PERSONALITY. I was sort of lucky that I was always overweight/had acne/was never cool or perfect. In fact, my hair has always kind of sucked and gotten really poofy in humidity. But...because I was on the outskirts of the cool kids, the friends I did have were more interested in my mind and my heart. Look at all of the artists, intellectuals, normal people struggling to pay bills. Look for tumblrs and blogs of girls with lupus, people who have lost their parents. We've all lost something. When you find yourself getting upset, just realize...this time on Earth is short. The fact that you want to go into the medical profession and help other people. The fact that you chose to go through years of grueling education in order to help people- THAT is beautiful. We have been given the ability to understand what beauty actually is, and if we want to feel pretty...trust me, full lace wigs can give you hair that other people will gawk at in a good way.

    Oh, and when I told my boyfriend I was going bald and that I wanted a full lace wig/told him what it was, he begged me to be bald because it would be hot. I love him for him. If he lost his hair, would I love him less? No way. And, as we get older, I think we realize more that growing old with friends is more important than growing old with looks. Only in Hollywood does the opposite apply. And, if you haven't noticed, everyone in Hollywood has fake hair and lives on another planet, pretending to be perfect.

    Also, if you ever want to talk, please PM me. I don't have a Facebook or anything, but I actually really want a network of friends I can connect with on this.

    I really hope that you are doing well! <3 All of us are in this together.
     
  12. Zoe

    Zoe Guest

    :agree:

    So well said. Beautifully said. All of it.

     
  13. yes it was beautiful.
    zoe ur replies have been very nice too.its so nice to get all this support from all u amazing positive women.Godbless u all.

    Please guide me on how to get a wig but since wigs are hard to take care of and u need to take them off to sleep,shower etc..i need something i can wear for more than 18 hrs straight because we have rotations at the hospital that last soooo long and im not ready to tell the world that im suffering from hair loss.society is often very cruel and im not willing to give people an oppurtunity to make me feel worse about my condition :(
     
  14. Zoe

    Zoe Guest

    You can actually bond a full lace wig for weeks at a time! Same idea as a bonded topper except instead of being bonded at the crown, you bond it around your hairline. The only issue is that sleeping in them makes them wear out quicker than if you were to remove it at night. But definitely no problem when it comes to long shifts at work.

    Some really good people to ask about full lace wigs are Dancer and Vlal (I hope they don't mind me sending you their way! But I don't imagine they would, they're both always super helpful and nice.) I'm waiting on a full lace unit from a new vendor right now, so I don't want to outright recommend them, because I haven't seen the final product yet, but their customer service is *fantastic* and you might want to contact them just to learn more about your options. Check out the customer pics on their website too, not one of their wigs looks like a wig. And the prices are really decent for custom virgin hair, even long.
    http://www.wickedlaces.com
    Salem is the man with the plan there, and like I said, he's awesome. Tell him Cait sent you! (He'll be like "DAMN that girl never stops emailing me." lol Even though I placed my order weeks ago I'm still constantly sending him questions and concerns. I'm such a pain in the ass customer.)

    There are cheaper options for full lace too, like QD Hair. There are a few Chinese vendors that have pretty low prices. You can do a search for them on this site and see what people have said about them. The reviews are kind of mixed (to poor.) A lot of the time Chinese vendors end up being difficult to work with and don't always have the best quality control, but the prices are lower so I guess you just have to decide if it's worth the risk. I personally find their ordering process really confusing... but that could just be me. I have been considering getting a custom full lace virgin Chinese hair wig for cheap because I want to dye one red or blonde and through my research it seems that Chinese hair holds up best. (Note: the ethnicity of the hair has nothing to do with where the wig is produced, it's just coincidental that I want to order my Chinese hair from China. I want to order it from China because it's cheap and I might crap it up when I dye it! lol)

    Another company is Sassy Secrets, which is a bit more expensive than Wicked Laces. I believe weepingwillow bought her full lace from them, you can search her thread where she shows pics of the wig she got. It looks *awesome.*

    I'd also suggest joining the wig support forum, it's every bit as wonderful and supportive as this site, but the conversation is geared more specifically towards wigs. There does seem to be more discussion about brand name synthetic wigs than full lace human on there (which I never quite understand because they can be *so* expensive for what they are!) But there is great info on laces as well. And again, really great ladies (and a select few gentlemen who are sometimes ladies!) on there. Really great people.
    http://www.heralopecia.com/forums/index.php

    I hope this was helpful! Let me know if you have any questions at all and if I can help, you got it!

    - Zoe
     
  15. Gypsy

    Gypsy Guest

    Hi
    Its so sad and your are so brave. I spent nights crying, screwed up my face and job because of my hair loss. Hair loss has shattered my confidence and hindered lots of things in my life. :( sad sad
     
  16. mona20

    mona20 Guest

    please read this and then my thread viewtopic.php?f=18&t=23427

    at first I thought you have a more serious type of alopecia but all you have is simple alopecia not even Androgenetic Alopecia and you are that hopeless and depressed?!

    I'm 20 and have hair loss for 1.5 year. It was really hard on me believe me. I used to be a girl who is obsessed with her look and found myself very beautiful, everytime I looked at the mirror I was like yayy! then for the last 1.5 years I avoid looking at mirror, especially above my eyebrows :roll:

    what you are living through is the exact psychological phase I've lived through 4 months ago. even the sentences are exactly the same:D you can find some of them in my thread as well haha:D and I was also mad at my parents (who I dragged to many doctors as well) when they were saying eat properly, sleep enough dont think about it, relax and your hair will grow back. I was like "it is not that simple! my hair is not growing back! you dont know anything!" you know what, they turned out to be right so I went and apologized them:D

    right now you have to be thinking like "there is no way for me to be happy because my hair will not grow back and I will not be happy without my hair" at least that was what I was feeling like. then I found out there is solution(not minoxidil, rogaine like stuff I'm very strict about not using them from the beginning). when I found out that there is a way for me to get back my hair I stopped being so stupid and depressed which is also preventing my hair from growing back. then I did things(very easy) most importantly stopped thinking about my hair constantly, then my shiny flawless scalp started to produce new hair :punk:

    now I dont want to write it all again so please go and read my thread:) and if you do all what you can and still there is no hair growing back, then ok you can be depressed. just not now, stress is soooo important that being that much depressed can be a reason alone for not growing new hair..
     

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