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The uncomfortable in-between stage of clipping vs bonding

Discussion in 'Tell Your Story' started by frankie447, Apr 11, 2012.

  1. frankie447

    frankie447 New Member

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    Hi everybody! I have been reading the online discussions and forums here for several months, and I am so, SO deeply grateful to everyone for being so generous and brave in sharing their stories. I am in my thirties and have been suffering for the past 8 years a slow and steady diffuse thinning all over my head, with the hairline to the crown being the worst. I have watched my thick, long curly tresses slowly thin out and break, never to return, and returned to the mirror to see more and more glaring white scalp instead of pitch black hair.

    The worst part has been the sense of isolation and the fear and shame that comes with it - reading everyone's questions, concerns and stories here has been like shining a light in the darkness.

    I am at a very hard place right now - I have been the owner of a Dov topper for several years now, and only used it part-time. I am a performer so in public and on stage it was a must, then in my private life I got away with Toppik all over my scalp and some artful use of a strong hairspray. It was almost like I had two personalities, separated by hair, confidence, personal comfort. I am at the point, however, where that just doesn't cut it anymore. I find myself wanting to wear my topper every day, all day.

    And here is the catch. I have been single now for years. Between depression and weight gain it was easy to shelter myself and come home to take of my topper when I felt like it. But now I have been losing weight (yay!), getting my mojo back (yay!), and want to get back out there in the land of dating. Having obvious clips in my hair, the chance of my topper moving, and especially having to take it off at night in front of a boyfriend, is absolutely NOT an option for me (boo!). I just recently had the horrifying experience of a handsome man I was working with in a show flirting with me - to the point of putting his hands on my hair to stroke my head. I could feel him stop at the clips and the obvious bump where the edge of my topper was, all the while sweating bullets that the piece was going to shift around under his groping. I was mortified - I wanted to cringe with discomfort, and have vowed to not put myself in that situation ever again. So I find myself hunting around these forums looking for answers to bonding toppers over hair or bonding, trying a sew-in, perhaps even shaving for the best bond - all terrifying and no simple answers.

    The depth of information and detail everyone has taken the time to share here has been like a light in the darkness. I would love to hear more about people's experiences deciding to go from just clips to bonding or sew-ins, even if they have enough diffuse hair to "sort of" cover the top of their heads. I feel like I am in a no man's land here and frozen with indecision. Thanks so much everyone here, again, for your bravery and your honesty. I will always be so grateful.
     
  2. Bummer

    Bummer Established Member

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    Just wanted to comment on the detectablility to touch issue.  If you bond a full lace unit to a shaved scalp you really can't feel a darn thing just running your hands over the hair.  Someone would likely have to dig their fingers into the hair to be able to tell (by touch) that it wasn't your hair.  Visual detection is another matter and depends on a lot of factors.  There are different types of hair systems that can be bonded that are made from other base materials than lace and those would likely be detectable, but that is not something I have any particular experience with.

    For me I went from nothing, not even concealers, to shaving and bonding.  To me being happy is worth getting rid of some crappy hair that was making me miserable.  It's not like I can't just grow it back... though that thought really holds no appeal considering how much I "liked" it before I shaved it off.  It was an "easy" decision for me in the end.  I looked at what I wanted a cosmetic solution to offer me in terms of lifestyle, realism, control over the process, etc. and there was ultimately one choice for me.

    btw, congrats on all the positive changes you are making for yourself.  I'm recently single myself so I'm trying to get the whole bonding thing worked out so I can get on with my life and go after the things I want without feeling self consious (or considerably less self consious).  I hope you are able to find the thing that does the same for you.
     
  3. Bummer

    Bummer Established Member

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    @karen,

    Sorry I misunderstood. I thought you were trying to indicate that you could feel ridges from your unit from a casual touch to your head which is generally not the case with a bonded lace system. ;-)
     
  4. Hennared

    Hennared Experienced Member

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    My loss is very diffuse, and I don't show a whole lot of scalp with my hair all naturally hanging down. But my hair is very thin and frail, and.. long. I never clipped anything on - the clips hurt my head. I went straight to bonding a full lace wig, but I only bond daily with tape. I could easily do two days, though.

    I do NOT shave - I had horrible reactions on my scalp when I briefly tried to shave just a little bit along my hairline - NEVER again! I brush my hair back and protect it from the tape with a strong hair gel, then tape to the skin in the front of my hairline and maybe overlapping a little (1/4" or less) with my hair. I am very slow and careful when I remove and so far, no additional damage to my hairline in almost 2 years. A well fitting wig for me is fairly undetectable (I do not bunch my own hair under the wig; I wear it all down and incorporate it into the wig, so it isn't bulky on my head.)

    So... I think what you want is achievable, with trial and error and experimentation of what works for you.

    One suggestion - perhaps find a second hand or buy a new, cheap lace front wig or something similar that can be bonded, and experiment with it to see if you want to go that route with something more customized and expensive.
     

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