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What is your topper/wig philosophy- hide it or own it?

Discussion in 'Wigs, Extensions, Toppers & Hair Systems' started by VMmom, Jan 19, 2011.

  1. VMmom

    VMmom Guest

    I'm not wearing supplemental hair yet, but I think about it a lot since my hair could go either way at this point. I guess I'm trying to get myself used to the idea.

    My husband always tells me that if I wear hair, I shouldn't keep it a big, dark secret. He thinks that hiding it will be too suffocating, plus I risk accidental exposure if I have a "wardrobe malfunction", only with my hair! :) I definitely see his point and I'll admit that the thought of trying to transition into a piece with NO one (not even my mom!) noticing puts a lot of pressure on the whole thing. It has to be perfect right out the gate so no one can tell I've made the move. That's kind of a tall order. My DH thinks that taking a more relaxed and honest approach is the way to go. And it could even be liberating to switch styles for fun without worrying about blowing my cover. BUT...

    Knowing me, I just wonder if I could pull off that kind of easy, brezy attitude about the whole thing. As much as I like the idea of owning it, I bet I can't pull it off. I guess it's because the idea of hair loss hurts a lot and by admitting to a hair piece, I'd be admitting to failure.

    So what do you do? Is your piece your deep, dark secret or do you try to be open/have fun with it? Mind you, I don't mean shouting "Hey I'm wearing a wig!" from the rooftops or anything. And I don't mean not being concerned about finding a quality piece that matches well and fits right. But just not being paranoid about hiding it or changing styles, you know?
     
  2. Maelle

    Maelle Guest

    Actually I'm on the same stage with you and I have also been thinking a lot about it.
    For myself I decided that I will not tell anyone. Not like keeping it dark and grim secret and if anyone would ask me straight to my face and I would answer Yes, I wear supplemental hair, without going into detail. Otherwise I consider it to be as private thing as the label/size of my bra, my teeth fillings :) and my bathroom rituals. Nothing really secret but nothing to be "advertised" on the street.
     
  3. GoddessJoyce

    GoddessJoyce Guest

    I don't advertise it, but I do own it. It is great when I do tell others and they say "I would never know it, you look beautiful." Then they touch my hair and say "I can't believe it, I would never have known."
    For me it is very liberating. Also, because you have been vulnerable with others they have a new respect for you. Your relationships change for the better and become much stronger.
     
  4. VMmom

    VMmom Guest

    I understand both of your perspectives. Even if I was "open" about it, it's not something I would just say up front. Oh by the way, I bet you didn't know this was a wig, huh?

    Goddess, do you change your hair look a lot or stay with something that looks most like your pre-hair loss self?

    I actually think it will be harder to tell people closer to me. That probably seems strange, but I feel like I'd have an easier time admitting a wig to an acquaintance than I would to my mom.
     
  5. Sharon81

    Sharon81 Guest

    I recently started wearing my topper outside. In the last few months my hair has got drastically worse, dermmatch and backcombing no longer work and I was disgusted when looking in the mirror. With the topper I feel like I am me again. I have also felt like I'm a bit of a cheat, too, as I am dependent on it to feel like me.

    For the first few times I wore it out, I didn't tell anyone. My mum didn't notice, she just said I looked different, that my hair looked so much better now I'd stopped backcombing it, and that I no longer looked like I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards. That was indeed what I had begun to look like whilst trying to give volumeless hair some volume!

    But I decided to tell her, yesterday, and she said she had not guessed that I was wearing hair, but that my hair absolutely looked better!

    I then wore it to my friends in the afternoon. She's an ex hair dresser, and she was very surprised, she said she'd never have guessed, and then asked me to show exactly where the hair piece was placed! I showed her. She was very impressed.

    My mum and my friend are both obviously close to me, and I felt like telling them, but as a general rule, I expect I'll keep it to myself.

    The topper has done so much for my confidence. I can't belive I took so long before I tried it!
     
  6. VMmom

    VMmom Guest

    That is so great to hear, Sharon. I know pieces today look amazing, and I'm so glad. Where did you get yours?
     
  7. Sharon81

    Sharon81 Guest

    Hi VMmom, thanks! It's a Jessica Simpson hh fringe. I had trials with getting the colour right, and eventually had to dye my own hair to get a good match, but I love it. Since I took the attached photo I have thinned it out a bit and also sewn on two clips at the sides.

    Next stop, hopefully, Gali!
     

    Attached Files:

  8. dragonfly

    dragonfly Senior Member

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    :agree:
     
  9. VMmom

    VMmom Guest

    Yes, I've heard a lot of good things about the JS fringe, esp for the price. It seems like a nice get-your-feet-wet piece. Did you get it cut in by a stylist or just fix it up by yourself?
     
  10. dimoxinil

    dimoxinil Member

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    Sharon you did a good job with the fringe in the end. I never quite got the hang of it, but I'm still hanging on to it because it is the only hair I have to wear. How did you thin it?
     
  11. haygirl326

    haygirl326 Guest

    I went to Flora today and got my very FIRST topper....I feel like myself again after 3 years of Alopecia Areata!! I wore it out of her salon and when i got back to Long Island I immediately went out to show houses (Im a realtor) no one noticed a thing....a few people I know said oh you changed your hair it looks great! ahhhhhh big sigh.....I'm a happy girl again!!! :D
     
  12. dragonfly

    dragonfly Senior Member

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    Congratulations!! I'm so very happy for you :gay2: !
     
  13. HollyGA

    HollyGA Guest

    Oh, how wonderful...I can hear the happy coming right through your post! I'm thrilled that you love your Flora. I don't know what I'm waiting for when I read reviews like yours. I have been frantic with worry and anxiety over my once thick mane flying the coop for way too long now myself. I want to feel like me again, so your post really resonates with me. Yay for you!

    And as far as the OP's question about hiding or declaring, I think I feel very much like most of the others in their insightful responses. I certainly won't be bringing it up, nor will I (I hope) be ashamed of it. I'm very unhappy not looking like my old self, and if an expensive topper or wig is what it takes to eventually get that feeling back, then I guess that's the route I will take as well...I'm a procrastinator by nature, and that's why I'm still dilly dallying around with this c**p as it is!
     
  14. RugBug

    RugBug Guest

    Hey! Okay...I am very new to this hair loss thing. My didn't start to fall until this past October. And since then, I have already had to go to a topper. I have lost TONS of my once gorgeous hair. I have had to go from being the HOT mom to one that is completely freaked out. Since I'm around my college kids and their friends all the time...I figured it was going to be noticed. Heck, when I trim it...they noticed. So...I went public. I put it out there right on my facebook page. Yes, it is a personal experience...I haven't shared my panic attacks (except on this forum)...I haven't shed tears in front of anyone except my husband and my son. But, I have let the world know that because of a sudden onset of patterned baldness, I have had to quickly resort to artificial hair. Guess what? No one cares. As soon as my friends read that I'm healthy, they couldn't care one bit about what is on my head. My hair, or a close proximity to it. Yes, I am still wrapping my head around it as it happened so fast...but...everyday gets easier and I honestly have no problem that people know it's a wig (topper at this point, but with the rate I'm losing, it'll be a full on wig soon enough). The way I see it...I had movie star hair for 49 years... my body went to hell on my 40th birthday..it was time for my hair to do so this year. The entire WORLD knows Dolly Parton lives in a wig...the entire WORLD still adores her. So, I say...OWN it. Wear it proud and spread the word. much love! xoxo
     
  15. VMmom

    VMmom Guest

    Great attitude, Deeana! It's so interesting to hear how everyone feels about this.

    Haygirl, your post made me happy too! So great that you found something right off the shelf like that. If I lived anywhere near Flora I think I would have already gone in just to see what's up. It would make me feel better just to see. But being that I live in Texas, that is part of the anxiety...knowing I would have to incur traveling expenses or work over the phone/mail.
     
  16. Sharon81

    Sharon81 Guest

    haygirl326, well done, I'm really happy for you! It's amazing that we go for so long trying to make the best of our own hair when I think I should have tried using a topper a few months sooner. I know what you mean about you feeling like yourself again! I look at myself with my topper on and that WAS how my hair was!

    dimoxinil, thanks. It was a bit of a struggle to get the topper to where I was happy, including dyeing my own hair. That's why I'd like to get a Gali, because she matches hair texture and colour from the start, rather than buying a stock piece and having to try and make it match.

    I thinned out some of the thicker parts simply by cutting the hair away at the "root". I'm no hairdresser, that's how I did it! I also cut the fringe myself. Not quite a chainsaw massacre, but far, far from professional. Anyway, it will do me for now.
     
  17. Mom2Cuties

    Mom2Cuties Member

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    We recently moved and no one here knows, but my good friends where we lived before know. They were all incredibly supportive. There was no hiding that I needed to do something. My hair was VERY VERY VERY thin on top.

    I just don't feel the need to discuss it with people here. Maybe it will come up and if I feel close enough to someone, I will open up. But with me, it will take a lot of trust. I am not confident enough to 'own it', unfortunately.

    I feel better about myself than I have in years.
     
  18. dragonfly

    dragonfly Senior Member

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    I tend to be a very private person. People around who are around me alot know, but that's because they watched the progression. However, if I moved someplace where people didn't know me, I wouldn't be inclined to tell them. I mean, I'm not ashamed of it or anything, and if they found out I wouldn't particularly care, but it really wouldn't be any of their business.
     
  19. FLgirl

    FLgirl Guest

    :agree: w/ dragonfly!
     
  20. Deirdre

    Deirdre Senior Member

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    I work with someone who has thick totally great hair but who started wearing a wig because she was tired of messing with her hair in the mornings! Everyone was curious and complimentary and it was no big deal. And an African American woman I work with wears weaves some of the time and it is not a big deal- folks were just interested in how it is done is all. I wish I could just come out and say I have supplemental hair to everyone as that would take away the fear of someone noticing. I tell close friends and occasionally total strangers. When I started wearing my Dov piece I got tons of compliments and was asked where I was going to get my hair done. And last semester a student asked if I had to style my hair every morning (she wore a pony tail) So I know it looks real. And good. If we wear supplemental hair because we want to as opposed to losing our hair it seems very different psychologically.
     

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