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Would You Say Something?

Discussion in 'Girl Talk!' started by livEyourlife, Jul 2, 2010.

  1. livEyourlife

    livEyourlife Guest

    So tomorrow I may see a friend at a mutual friend's birthday. I'm pretty darn sure she has hair loss. I think it's Androgenetic Alopecia since there's widening of the part and lost of general density.
    Thing is, I THINK she may have invested in a wig lately. I saw pictures of her recently on Facebook and there are no signs of hair loss...or maybe they're just the lighting/angle of the pictures.

    Would you say anything to her if you were in my position?
    I just feel like many people don't know as much as we do about all the options there are to "bandaid"/fix this.

    There's not really a chance she'd be confiding in me since I don't think my hair loss is apparent to the "non-trained eye" ...at least I hope it isn't.
  2. No, I wouldn't - it has to come from her.
    Personally, I would be mortified if someone did that to me, especially if I was sporting supplemental hair, that's the biggest fear I think, that people are speculating is she or isn't she wearing.
    If you wanted to broach the subject, you could talk about your own hair problems & see if it opens up the channel of conversation, otherwise I'd leave well alone.
  3. Pinson

    Pinson Guest


    I wouldn't want someone, even with the sweetest intentions, to talk to me about my hair loss. The question to ask yourself is :would I want this for myself? It's, in my view, too sensitive and personal
  4. Mom2Cuties

    Mom2Cuties Member

    May 4, 2008
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    I am with the others....I would NOT ask her. If she feels comfortable enough, maybe she will talk about it with you. But otherwise leave it alone.
  5. dragonfly

    dragonfly Senior Member

    Jan 11, 2010
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  6. AAat39?

    AAat39? Guest

    Recently came across this topic too, and I am glad from your responses above that I bit my tongue! It was a man I was working with, he obviously wears a wig, and from the bald spots on his 5:00 shadow, I am guessing he has the alopecia areata, like me... I only noticed, because I have the same thing, and have studied the wigs at my local shop extensively. I noticed how he wore a hat over it in the wind, and he would come to work early mornings with the edges wet... Probably would have really hurt his feelings if I had opened my mouth.
  7. Hennared

    Hennared Experienced Member

    Jun 7, 2009
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    :agree: with everyone else.

    But doesn't it just suck that we have to keep the silence, that there is all this shame around hair loss (believe me I feel it, too.. but it still _sucks_ and is actually irrational, isn't it???).

    I wish we could commiserate in real life with each other.. instead of, by and large, only from behind a keyboard.
  8. livEyourlife

    livEyourlife Guest

    Keeping my mouth shut it is. :tellme:

    I just feel like if someone who also had hair loss approached me about it, I would be glad to have a confidante about it. And it'd be a doubly bonus since it's someone I already know.
    It'd be a different experience if someone with all his/her hair asked me what the deal was since to HIM/HER, it's "abnormal."
  9. Moon

    Moon Guest

    I do think there is ONE appropriate way to bring it up, and that's talking about our own hair loss. Then it's up to the other person if they want to talk about it, or not, and there's no pressure. And hopefully no discomfort.
  10. tique706

    tique706 Guest

    NONO!! I would be horrified if someone started asking me about my hair loss unless I brought it up first!!
  11. Hayley

    Hayley Guest

    If i was going to do it, that is the way i would go about it.

    My brothers ex used to suffer with over all thinning and she knew at the time that i wore wigs and i really wished she'd say something because i wanted to help her. There was once or twice that i brought it up (my hair loss) but it never got into a full conversation, even though i know her thinning was upsetting her. She didnt seem upset that i mentioned it though. But that was her.

    There's other people i work with who i've noticed thinning and i've really wanted to say something cos i could suggest a few things to help but i think its too much of a gamble to be honest.
  12. GoodYear

    GoodYear Guest

    I agree completely with this post. What a nightmare that hair loss is so sensitive and painful to us that we even do not want to talk about it with other because of shame or pain.

    It is such a lonely battle!! That is also a big part of the struggle; being alone with it and having all those fears alone. Except that have so much support because of you all. I can not miss that.
  13. livEyourlife

    livEyourlife Guest

    Well, am I ever glad I listened. Visually, it didn't look like supplemental hair AT ALL.
    Logically, unless she's been throwing, I don't know, a ton of fertilizer on her scalp the past year to make her hair grow as quickly as weeds, it can't be her bio hair.
    I looked at pictures of my hair a year ago, and her hair a year ago. If that WAS her bio hair, whatever the hell she was using made it grow 5x as fast as the Rogaine I'm using lol. I wouldn't mind being let in on what it is then. :)
  14. GoodYear

    GoodYear Guest

    Hi Liv,

    Sadly enough, I think, if you mentioned ' do you have a wig' and it was here bio hair,' because you have so much hair', she probably wasnt offended at all......sigh.
  15. livEyourlife

    livEyourlife Guest

    Hey Goodyear,

    I never thought of it that way...I think it's all about if it's asked positively or negatively.
    Last year, I was asked if I had extensions in which was followed by, "your hair is so thin."

    Either way, I highly doubt that was her bio hair so good thing I kept my mouth shut since it would have been a negative comment.
  16. GoodYear

    GoodYear Guest

    Hi Liv,

    Yes, that's the point; if you ask it positively or negatively. Yesterday some one I did not see for a while said; Oh, you have become weight in your face, your cheeks look much better then before, well done!
    Also; a positive way....And I have gained only 3 pounds....;-)
  17. AAat39?

    AAat39? Guest

    Interesting, similar experience.... About a year ago, I ran across a co-worker I hadn't seen in 8 months, in line at work for lunch.... It was his usual jovial hello and out of mouth comments, "what did you do different, umn your hair?" and all I could say was "bad hair do experience, have to wait for it to grow out".... At that point, I was wearing my hair up in a clip, no side burns, topper covering bald spots...

    Oh, how the hair loss can be so sudden and life changing!

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